Joke Hunt One
Jackie:
A guy's walking along the beach when he trips over a bottle, picks it up, and a genie comes out.
The genie says, "Thank you. I've been stuck in that bottle for centuries. I'll tell you what...I'll give you one wish. Anything you want."
The guy pulls out a map of the Middle East, and he says, "Could you bring peace to this part of the world?"
The genie says, "Gee, I don't know. They were fighting there for centuries and centuries, long before I was even trapped in the bottle. Have you got another wish?"
The guy says, "Well...could you make it so once a month my wife voluntarily wakes me up with a blow job?"
The genie says, "Let me see that map again."
Jackie:
A guy dies and goes to hell.
The Devil tells him, "You have your choice of three rooms," opens the door to the first room, and everyone is up to their waists in shit.
The Devil opens the door to the second room, and everyone is treading water in piss.
The Devil opens the door to the third room, and everyone is sitting on stools, in diarrhea up to their ankles, drinking coffee.
The guy says to The Devil, "I'll definitely take room number three."
They get him a stool, he sits down, and then bring him a up of coffee.
A few minutes later, The Devil yells, "Okay, on your heads. Coffee break's over."
Artie Lange:
A priest and a rabbi are walking along when a little boy comes walking the other way.
The priest says, "Let's fuck him."
The rabbi says, "Fuck him out of what?"
Jackie:
I was in a restaurant the other night and I saw two priests having dinner. I didn't know whether to send over a bottle of wine or a Cub Scout.
Willie Nelson:
A guy's in line at the supermarket when a blonde at the back of the line starts waving to him.
He doesn't recognize her, so he walks over and says, "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
She says, "I think you might be the father of one of my children."
He says, "Yow...are you the stripper from my bachelor party, who I banged on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?"
She says, "No, I think I'm your son's English teacher."
Punch Line First!
The Polish general's about to go into battle, and he can't decide which uniform to wear.
One of his top aides says, "Well, General, whenever Napoleon was about to go into battle, he'd put on a red uniform. That way, if he was wounded, his men wouldn't be able to tell, and they wouldn't panic."
The general says, "Very good, Stukowski. Get me my brown uniform."
How fat was she?
She kept her vibrator on a gun rack.
How fat was she?
Her clit had a knee.
Punch Line First!
What's an innuendo?
An Italian suppository.
Punch Line First!
Why do you wrap a gerbil in duct tape?
So it won't burst when you fuck it.
Punch Line First!
How is a Mexican like a cue ball?
The harder you hit them, the more English they pick up.
Jackie:
What did Davy Crockett say at The Alamo?
"Where'd all these landscapers come from?"
Jackie's ending joke:
It's graduation day at all-black Bedford Stuyvesant High School, and all of the kids are graduating and getting diplomas except for Rodney. He's a star basketball player who has a full scholarship to any school in the country, and the star of the football and baseball teams. He's the hero of all the students, but since he couldn't pass enough classes, he isn't going to graduate.
As the diplomas are being handed out, Rodney shows up in the back of the auditorium.
The studenst all see him, and they all start chanting, "Give Rodney a chance! Give Rodney a chance!"
So the principal says, "All right, Rodney, I's gonna axe you a kestion. If you can answer this kestion, you can gets a diploma, and you can gaduate. What am four plus two?"
Rodney says, "Eight."
The principal says, "I'm sorry, Rodney, that's the wrong answer. You can't gets a diploma, and you can't gaduate."
The students all chant, "Give Rodney another chance! Give Rodney another chance!"
The principal says, "All right, Rodney, I's gonna axe you another kestion. If you can answer this kestion, you can gets a diploma, and you can gaduate. What am five minus one?"
Rodney says, "Seven."
The principal says, "I'm sorry, Rodney, that's the wrong answer. You can't gets a diploma, and you can't gaduate."
The students all chant, "Give Rodney another chance! Give Rodney another chance!"
The principal says, "All right, Rodney, I's gonna give you one mo' chance. If you can answer this kestion, you can gets a diploma, and you can gaduate. What am three times three?"
Rodney says, "Nine."
The students pause...and then they start chanting, "Give Rodney another chance! Give Rodney another chance!"
