Jackie:
A lady walks into her daughter's room, and her daughter's doing herself with her vibrator.
She says, "My God! What are you doing?"
She says, "Ma, I'm forty years old. I don't even have a boyfriend. I'll never get married. This is my husband."
A few minutes later, her father walks in, and she's doing herself with the vibrator.
He says "My God! What are you doing?"
She says "Daddy, I'm forty years old. I don't even have a boyfriend. I'll never get married. This is my husband."
The next day, the mother and daughter go out shopping. When they get home, they walk into the kitchen, and there's the father...he's got a martini in one hand, and he's got the vibrator buzzing away in his ass.
Her mother says, "My God! What are you doing?"
He says, "I'm having a drink with my new son-in-law."
Jackie:
Two bananas are laying by a river bank when a turd comes floating by.
The turd looks over at the two bananas and says, "Come on in! The water feels great!"
One banana turns to the other and says, "Do you believe that shit?"
Jackie:
A salesman's on the road and goes up to a girl in a bar.
He says, "You want a drink?"
She says, "Sure. I'm a good sport."
They drink the drink, and he says, "Want to go back to my hotel."
She says, "Sure. I'm a good sport."
They get to his hotel room, and he says, "You want to get naked?"
She says, "Sure. I'm a good sport."
They get it on and she leaves.
A few months later she calls him at his office and says, "I'm pregnant. I think I'm going to kill myself."
He says, "Geez...you are a good sport."
Jackie:
Dirty Johnny walks into the classroom, and the teacher says, "John, why are you late?"
Johnny says, "Sorry, teach. On the way here I saw a car hit a dog in the ass."
She says, "Not ass, John. Rectum."
Johnny says, "Rectum? Damn near killed him!"
Jackie:
How ugly was she?
She was known as a "two-bagger." That's a girl who's so ugly, not only do you have to put a bag over her head, you have to put a bag over your own head in case her bag rips.
Jackie:
How fat was she?
She needed a hairdresser for each armpit.
Jackie:
How fat was she?
I took her to Yankee Stadium, and the game was called on account of one of her farts.
How fat was she?
She lied in bad, spread her legs, and I said, "What am I doing in this lane? I don't have exact change."
Punch Line First:
What's black and brown and looks good on a black man?
My Doberman.
Punch Line First:
Why did the French line the Champ-Elysees with trees?
So the Nazi's could march in the shade.
Punch Line First:
The synagogue has a raffle, Cohen wins third prize, and he gets a television set. Schwartz wins second prize, and he gets an apple pie.
Schwartz says, "Cohen, you win third prize, and you get a television set, and I win second prize, and I get an apple pie? This is bullshit."
Cohen says, "That pie was baked by the rabbi's wife."
Schwartz says, "Fuck the rabbi's wife."
Cohen says, "That's first prize."
"Butch's Song"
Jackie:
A couple's on vacation. The husband goes up to a wishing well, throws in a penny...ploop! Nothing. The wife takes out a penny. She walks up, trips, ass over head, falls into the wishing well, and drowns.
He says, "Fuck...it works."
Jackie:
An old guy's sitting on a bus, and a punk rocker gets on. The punk rocker's hair is red, green, yellow, orange, he's got feather earrings, and he sees the guy staring at him.
He says, "What's the matter, old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild?"
The guy says, "Yeah. One time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
Stump The Joke Man:
Did you hear about the Polish bungee jumper?
He hung himself.
Jackie:
Did you hear about the plastic surgeon?
He hung himself.
Stump The Joke Man:
Three blondes are out in the woods.
The first one says, "These are deer tracks."
The second one says, "These are bear tracks."
The third one says, "No...they're..."
And they get hit by the train.
Jackie:
How can you tell an auto mechanic just had sex?
One of his fingers is clean.
Stump The Joke Man:
A nun and a priest are going across the desert on a camel when the camel drops dead. They try everything to revive it. They pound on his heart, they give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but the camel is as dead as a doornail.
The nun says to the priest, "Father, we're sure to die out here. Could you please do me a favor, Father? My entire life I've been in the convent, raised from birth to be a nun, and I've never seen what's between a man's legs. Could you help me, Father?"
Well, forget it, the priest can hardly get off his pants over his boner. He finally gets his pants off, and he's got a raging hard-on.
The nun looks, and says, "My God, Father, what's that?"
The priest says "This, my child, is what gives life."
The nun says, "Well, then, why don't you shove it up that camel's ass so we can get the fuck out of here?"
Punch Line First:
What's the hardest thing about having sex with a two year-old?
Putting the diaper back on.
Punch Line First:
Why do Polish jokes and in "ski?"
They can't spell toboggan.
Stump The Joke Man:
What's eighteen inches long and makes women scream?
Crib death.
Jackie:
Two women are driving along in the country and they both have to pee really badly, so they pull off the road and climb over a fence into a graveyard. The first woman pees behind a tombstone, finds nothing to wipe with, so she wipes with her panties and leaves them there. The second woman pees behind a tombstone next to a fresh grave, and uses a ribbon from a wreath to wipe herself. The next day the husbands are talking on the phone.
The first husband says, "We gotta start keeping an eye on our wives. Yesterday my wife came home with no panties."
The second husband says, "That's nothing. Yesterday my wife came home with a card stuck to her ass that said, ‘We're all really gonna miss you.' "
Jackie:
A blonde crashes into a wall.
A cop shows up and says, "What happened?"
The blonde says, "I was driving along when a tree jumped out in front of me. I swerved to miss it, and another tree jumped out in front of me. I swerved to miss it, and another tree jumped out in front of me."
The cop says, "Lady, there isn't a tree on this road for thirty miles. That was your fucking air freshener."
Jackie:
A lady walks into a sex shop and says to the salesman, "Where are all the dildos?"
He says, "They're on the wall, lady..."
She says, "I'll take a red one..."
He says, "No, lady. The dildos are on the wall next to the fire extinguisher."
Jackie:
What's black on the outside and white on the inside?
Len Bias' nose.
Jackie:
How do you get a gay guy to fuck a woman?
Fill up her cunt with shit.
Jackie:
My ex-wife. What an asshole.
And her tits weren't bad, either.
Jackie:
A couple goes to the marriage counselor.
The marriage counselor says, "I think we should start with what you have in common."
The husband says, "Neither of us likes to suck cock."
Stump The Joke Man:
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Tostida chips.
song:
"Charlie's Shuffle"
commercial
Jackie CD "Come Again?":
A lady has a baby, and all it is, is a head. Nothing but a head. Just a dog-gone head. That's all it is, is a head. So what's she gonna do, she puts it at the top of the stairs, on a table, facing out the window. It's the least she can do. For eighteen years, here's the head...
Eighteen years. Finally, one day the phone rings, she answers it, and it's the hospital.
A doctor tells her, "Mrs. Johnson, there's been a terrible accident. Someone was decapitated...but we saved the body, and we can put your head...well, not your head...but your head's head...the head you have at home, we can put it on top of the body, and you can have a regular son after all these years."
Needless to say, the lady is tickled pink.
She goes running up the stairs, and she says, "Bobby! Bobby! I've got the most wonderful surprise for you!"
He says, "I hope it's not another fuckin' hat."
Jackie CD "F. jackie":
A Jewish guy in New York City hails a cab. The cab's going down the street when they see a guy on the sidewalk hit a woman over the head. She goes down, and the guy starts kicking her. The cabbie zooms to the side of the road and jumps out to go help the woman.
The Jewish guy rolls down the window and says, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop the meter!"
Jackie CD "F. jackie":
A midget's walking along and a beautiful blonde is walking the other way.
He says, "Hey, what do you say to a little fuck?"
She says, "Hello, you little fuck."
Henny:
That was the late Milton Berle. He hasn't had a blow job in so long he forgot how to do it.
Jackie CD "Sgt. Pecker":
It's a very cold winter's night, so three homeless guys huddle up close to stay warm.
When they wake up in the morning, the guy on the left says, "I had a dream somebody was pulling on my dick."
The guy on the right says, "I had a dream somebody was pulling on my dick."
The guy in the middle says, "I had a dream I went skiing."
Jackie CD "Sgt. Pecker":
A guy walks into a delicatessen.
He says (swishy), "Could I have a baloney?"
The counterman says, "You want me to slice it up?"
The guy says, "Does my fanny look like a piggy bank?"
Stump The Joke Man:
A group soldiers crosses the desert, and then they have to cross a river. They only have one camel, so they all climb on. The sergeant gets behind the ears, and the rest climb on behind him. When they get halfway across the river, the sergeant sees two big tears in the eyes of the camel.
He says to the guy behind him, "Yo, the camel is crying."
That guy passes it back, "Yo, the camel is crying," and he passes it back, "Yo, the camel is crying," he passes it back, "Yo, the camel is crying."
When they get to the guy who's riding the tail, they say, "Yo, the camel is crying," he says, "What the fuck do you want me to do? If I take it out, I'll fall off."
Jackie CD "F. jackie":
A lady says, "Doc, kiss me."
He says, "I can't."
She says, "Doc, please kiss me."
He says, "I can't."
She says, "Doc, please kiss me..."
He says, "Look, lady, I probably shouldn't even be fucking you."
Jackie:
A guy goes to the doctor.
He says, "Doc, my hearing's going. I can't even hear myself fart."
The doctor says, "Take these pills every day for a week."
The guy says, "Will they make me hear better?"
The doctor says, "They'll make you fart louder."
Jackie:
A guy goes to the zoo to feed the monkeys. He throws the monkey a peanut. The monkey picks up the peanut, sticks it in his rear end, pulls it out, and eats it.
The guy goes, "Yuk!"
He throws the monkey another peanut. The monkey picks up the peanut, sticks it in his rear end, pulls it out, and eats it.
The guy goes, "Yuk!"
He goes to the zookeeper, and he says, "Man, that is one very stupid monkey."
The zookeeper says, "No, that's a very smart monkey. Last week, somebody threw him a big peach, and he ate it, and he couldn't pass the pit, so now he measures everything first."
Jackie:
A guy meets a girl in a bar and they go back to her apartment. They go into her bedroom, and from left to right, floor to ceiling, there's a whole wall full of fluffy toys. Floor to ceiling, side to side, fluffy toys. He fucks her.
They get done, and he says, "How was I?"
She says, "Take anything from the bottom shelf."
Jackie:
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
After you fuck her, they stay and talk to her.
Stump The Joke Man:
Why are Jewish divorces so expensive?
They're worth it.
Jackie:
What would you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse's ass?
A mechanic.
Jackie:
A nun's sitting on a plane next to a priest and she's doing a crossword puzzle.
She says, "Father, what's a four-letter word ending in ‘u-n-t' that means a kind of woman?"
The priest says, "Aunt."
The nun says, "Have you got an eraser?"
Jackie:
What's the difference between looking for a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva?
Looking for a lost golf ball is a hunt on a course.
Jackie:
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could suck it,
He said, with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it."
Jackie:
There was an old lady, who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children her cunt fell off.
The GrossMaster:
Why does a dog lick his butt?
Because he knows that in five minutes he'll be licking your face.
Ian:
Why does a dog lick his butt?
Because he can.
Jackie:
Mrs. Johnson goes to a brand-new gynecologist. He examines her.
He says, "My God, Mrs. Johnson, that is the hugest vagina I have ever, ever seen."
When she gets home, she decides to have a look for herself. She takes down a huge mirror off the wall, puts it on the floor, takes off all of her clothes, and stands on the mirror. She's just about to look down when her husband walks in early from work.
He says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "Ummm...I'm just exercising."
He says, "Well, be careful not to fall in the hole."
Jackie:
Two guys go home with a disgusting woman. The first guy goes into the bedroom with her and comes out screaming, with his dick all cut up and bleeding.
The second guy goes in, and comes out going, "Ahhh! That was great!"
The first guy says, "Her twat cut me to shreds. What did you do?"
The second guy says, "I picked the scabs and slid in on pus."
Jackie:
A guy goes into a whorehouse and says to the madam, "I'm in the mood for something really different."
The madam says, "No problem. Madge, take this guy upstairs and sixty-nine with him."
The girl leads him upstairs into a room, they both get undressed, she lies him down on the bed, and she's just going down on him, and sticking his face when llbbt!), se cracks a rat right on his nose. He pushes her off, gets up, and starts getting dressed.
She says, "What are you doing?"
He says, "I don't think I can handle sixty-eight more of those."
Jackie:
Dirty Johnny's at the dinner table and he says, "Today I learned to talk like a construction worker."
His mother says, "Really? Why don't you show us."
Johnny says, "Okay, Ma. All right, Charlie, lower it...lower...lower...dat's good...now move it to the right...a little more...now back to the left a bit...now, just a cunt hair to the right."
song:
"Around Every Bend"
commercials
Jackie CD:
A guy goes to a barber shop, sits down in the chair, the barber cuts his hair, and after he gets done, as the guy gets up and is taking out his money, the barber goes over and takes a leak in the corner of the barber shop. Takes a piss! The barber finishes and comes back.
As the guy hands him a twenty-dollar bill, he says, "Listen, it's...it's none of my business, but why...why would you take a piss in the corner of your barber shop?"
The barber says, "Hey, my lease is up in two weeks. Do I care?"
The barber goes over to the cash register, rings up the haircut, and comes back with the guy's change. When he comes back, the guy's standing there taking a shit on the floor.
The barber says, "What are you doing?"
The guy says, "Well, fuck, I'm leaving now."
Henny:
A new salesman in one of those new-fangled drug stores that carries thousands of items sells three thousand dollars worth of fishing equipment to a customer. The boss is amazed.
The boss says, "How'd you manage to sell three thousand dollars of fishing equipment on your first day?"
He says, "A man came in and asked for a box of Tampax for his wife. I said, ‘While you're not doing anything, why don't you go fishing?' "
Jackie CD:
A slug is sexually assaulted by two turtles. The slug's on the witness stand.
The judge says, "All right...which one of them went first?"
The slug says, "I don't know, your Honor...everything happened so fast."
Jackie CD:
What do you say to a girl with no tits?
Nothing.
Jackie CD:
Do you know why they call it a "Wonder Bra?"
Because when she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.
Jackie CD:
Did you hear about the gay whale?
He bit the end off a submarine and sucked out all the semen.
Jackie CD:
Liz Taylor says to her doctor, "I have a new boyfriend, and he's only sixteen...I want you to operate on my private parts to make them smaller. I want to have the vagina of a sixteen year old. And this has to be our secret...no leaks, no tabloids."
When Liz wakes up after the operation, her doctor is standing there. She looks at the foot of the bed, and sees three bouquets of flowers.
She says, "How could you do this? I told you this was a secret."
The doctor says, "Liz, relax. The first bouquet is from me. The second bouquet is from the anesthesiologist. He worked side by side with me on your operation, he's gay, and he's one of your biggest fans. He won't tell a soul. And the third bouquet is from a guy in the Burn Unit who wanted to thank you for his new ears."
Jackie CD:
What do you get when you cross an Italian dictator with a black guy?
Moosecockolini.
Jackie CD:
How do you keep a bunch of Puerto Ricans from ripping off your house?
Put a ‘Now Hiring' sign in the window.
How fat was she?
I'll tell you, you know a girl's fat if she sits on a Moped and you can't hear the engine...
How fat was she?
She was lying on the bed naked, with her legs spread...I didn't know whether to fuck her or take the burro ride down...
Stump The Joke Man:
What's the worst thing about eating bald pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
Stump The Joke Man:
What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
Getting her back in her wheelchair.
Jackie:
There once was a girl from Cape Cod,
Who thought everything came from Gd,
But it wasn't the Almighty,
Who pulled down her nightie,
It was Roger The Dodger with an eighteen-inch charger.
Jackie:
A guy stumbles into a bar and says, "Bartender, gimme a beer."
The bartender says, "No more booze for you. You're too drunk to even be in
here."
The guy says, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "Take this dart. If you can even hit that target on the
wall, I'll give you a beer and a present."
The guy throws the dart and it hits dead center, a bulls-eye. So the
bartender gives him a beer and a box turtle that he had in a box behind the bar. A
few hours later, the guy stumbles into the bar again.
He says, "Bartender, gimme a beer."
The bartender says, "No, sir, you're way too drunk."
The guy says, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "Okay, take this dart again. If you can even hit that
target on the wall, I'll give you another beer and another present."
The guy throws the dart and it hits dead center, another bulls-eye. So the
bartender gives him a beer and a shiny new promotional corkscrew he has behind
the bar.
The guy looks at the corkscrew and says, "I don't want this thing. Gimme
another ham on a hard roll."
Jackie:
A guy goes into a luncheonette and says to the girl behind the counter, "I
want a bowl of hot chile."
She says, "I'm sorry, sir, the guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy next to him's finished eating, but the
chili bowl's still full.
He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. You can have it, help yourself."
The guy pulls it over and starts eating the chili. When he gets about half way
down, his fork hits a dead mouse.
He goes, "Ugh!," and pukes the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."
Jackie:
A kid says, "Pop, what's a vagina look like?"
His father says, "Son, before sex, a vagina looks like a pink rose, with soft, lovely petals, and the aroma of perfume."
The kid says, "What about after sex?"
His father says, "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"
Jackie:
What would you call a Jewish vagina?
A can't.
Jackie:
What's the difference between a white cow and a black cow?
A white cow goes, "Moo," and a black cow goes, "Moo out d' way."
Jackie:
Harry goes to his twentieth high school reunion, and sees an old friend. The guy has on a three-corner hat, he has a peg leg, a hook on his right hand, and a patch over his left eye.
Harry says, "This is a reunion, not a costume party. What's up?"
The guys, "I always said I wanted to be a pirate, and now I am."
Harry says, "What happened to your leg>"
The guy says, " My first day on board ship, a cannonball blew off my left leg, so they gave me a peg leg."
Harry says, "How'd you wind up with a hook?"
The guy says, "The second day, I got my right hand sliced off in a saber fight, so they gave me a hook."
Harry says, "How'd you wind up with a patch over your eye?"
The guy says, "The next day, a bunch of seagulls were flying over us. I looked up, and one of them shit in my right eye."
Harry says, "A little bird shit shouldn't cause you to lose an eye."
The guy says, "It was my first day with the hook."
Jackie:
A married couple goes to a masquerade party dressed as a cow. He's the front, she's the back. The party gets a little boring, so they decide to stay in their costume and go for a walk.
As they're going across a pasture, they hear, "Snort! Snort!"
The wife says, "Bobby! Bobby! There's a bull over there and I think he's gonna charge! What are we gonna do?"
The husband says, "Well, I'm gonna eat some grass...you better brace yourself."
Jackie:
You know what those little bumps are on a girls' nipple?
It's Braille for "lick here."
Jackie:
Her last gynecologist quit, he's afraid of the dark.
She took off her clothes, lied on the bed, spread her legs...I said, "What am I doing in this lane? I don't have exact change." XXXXX
Jackie:
What's a good indication that you have a good sperm count?
She has to chew before she swallows.
Jackie:
A midget was missing...
So they put his face on a carton of Half & Half.
Stump The Joke Man:
Did you hear about the gay midget?
He came out of the cupboard.
Jackie:
Why was the midget thrown out of the nudist colony?
For telling all the girls, "Gee, your hair smells terrific."
Jackie:
Did you hear about the Polish midget?
He's six foot three.
Jackie:
How can you tell if a midget's having her period?
She keeps tripping over the string.
Stump The Joke Man:
What did the ghost say to the black guy?
"Jig-a-boo!"
Stump The Joke Man:
Oprah goes to the doctor with a sore throat.
He says, "Take off all of your clothes, lie on your back on my table, and spread your legs as wide as you can."
She says, "How will that help my sore throat?"
He says, "It won't, but I want to see how my house will look painted black with pink shutters."
Jackie:
I did a show for two hundred midgets.
I got a standing ovation and I didn't even know it.
Stump The Joke Man:
Did you hear about the midget prostitute?
You pay her to go up on you.
Jackie:
How would you describe a midget prostitute?
A little fucker about this tall.
Stump The Joke Man:
What's a crying shame?
A bus full of lawyers going off a cliff with two empty seats.
Stump The Joke Man:
Here's two short jokes and one long joke...joke, joke, jjoooookkkeeee.
Stump The Joke Man:
What did one homo's prick say to the other homo's prick?
Nothing. They were both stuck up assholes.
Jackie:
What did one ball say to the other ball?
"Why should we hang? Dick did all the shooting."
"La te Da"
commercials
Jackie CD, The Joke Man:
A Polish family is sitting around the living room.
The wife turns to the husband and says, "Let's send the kids out back to p-l-a-y, so we can fuck."
Jackie CD, F. jackie:
A guy's in a bar when an older guy walks in.
The older guy says to the younger guy, "I fuck your mother."
He goes and sits down, and the younger guy keeps drinking.
A few minutes later, the older guy gets up and says, "Your mother sucks my cock."
The bartender can't believe it doesn't get a rise out of the younger guy, but he keeps drinking.
A few minutes later the older guy gets up and says, "I fuck your mother in her asshole."
The younger guy says, "Pop, you're drunk. Go home."
Jackie CD, F. jackie:
What's a gay guy's favorite time of day?
Ate a cock.
That's the stupidest joke in my act, but you'll tell it to everybody you see for the next week.
Jackie CD, The Joke Man:
Where would you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Jackie CD, Sgt. Pecker:
Guiseppi walks into work.
He says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says, "No, Guiseppi, who's-a George Washington?"
He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen!"
A couple of days later, Guiseppi walks into work and says, "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says, "No, Guiseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says, "Hah! Abraham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen!"
A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Guiseppi...you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo?"
The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your old lady while you're in night school."
Jackie CD, The Joke Man:
Confucius say:
Schoolboy who fool around with schoolgirl during wrong period get caught red-handed.
Jackie CD, F. jackie:
A guy's weaving down the road when a cop pulls him over.
The cop says, "Hey, pal, did you know your wife fell out a few blocks back?"
The guy says, "Thank God. I thought I went deaf."
Stump The Joke Man:
What would you call a Puerto Rican midget?
A speck.
Stump The Joke Man:
Why do they bury black people ten feet in the ground?
Because deep down they're all right.
Stump The Joke Man:
Where does a midget hide from a tornado?
In a pothole.
Jackie:
Two midgets chip in for a lottery ticket, and they win, so to celebrate, they get two motel rooms next to each other, and two hookers. They each go into a room with a girls. The first midget just sits there, staring at the girl. All night, he just stares at her. He's a midget, he doesn't know what to say to a whore.
And the whole night he hears from next door, "Unh! Oh! Uhn! Oh!"
The next morning the two midgets walk out of their motel rooms.
The first midget says, "I didn't know what to say to her."
The second midget says, "I couldn't even get up on the fucking bed."
Stump The Joke Man:
How do they celebrate Halloween in West Virginia?
The pump kin.
Stump The Joke Man:
Three midgets meet in front of The World Headquarters for The Guinness Book of World Records.
The first midget says, "I'm gonna go in and get into The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's smallest hands," and he goes in.
He comes out a few minutes later, and says, "I did it. I'm now in The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's smallest hands."
The second midget says, "I'm gonna go in and get into The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's smallest feet," and he goes in.
He comes out a few minutes later, and says, "I did it. I'm now in The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's smallest feet."
The third midget says, "I'm gonna go in and get into The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's smallest penis."
He comes out a few minutes later, and he's in tears.
The first midget says, "What happened?"
The third midget says, "I only got into The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's second smallest penis...who the fuck is David Friedman?"
Stump The Joke Man:
How did the priest know the nun was on the rag?
He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.
Stump The Joke Man:
A black guy goes to Heaven and says to God, "Make me an angel."
Go says, "Fuck you, you're a bat."
Stump The Joke Man:
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
He doesn't want anybody to know he's fucking chickens.
Stump The Joke Man:
A midget rings the bell on Halloween, a lady answers, and he says, "Trick or treat."
She sees the little guy is fifty years old, so she says, "You're too old. You'll have to do a trick to get a treat."
He says, "Okay, I'll do my disappearing human trick. I'll come in and fuck the shit out of you and then I'll disappear."
Jackie & the real Kramer, Kenny The Joey Reynolds Show, 11-07-06
I did Joey's show with Kenny and my two old chums Ritch Shydner and Mark Schiff, who've assembled a great collection of comedians' road stories in a great, great book called "I Killed: Stories of the Road." You'll love it...get yourself a copy at www.amazon.com...
