Joke Hunt Three

Jackie:
Two women are driving along in the country and they both have to pee really badly, so they pull off the road and climb over a fence into a graveyard. The first woman pees behind a tombstone, finds nothing to wipe with, so she wipes with her panties and leaves them there. The second woman pees behind a tombstone next to a fresh grave, and uses a ribbon from a wreath to wipe herself. The next day the husbands are talking on the phone.
The first husband says, "We gotta start keeping an eye on our wives. Yesterday my wife came home with no panties."
The second husband says, "That's nothing. Yesterday my wife came home with a card stuck to her ass that said, ‘We're all really gonna miss you.' "

Jackie:
A blonde crashes into a wall.
A cop shows up and says, "What happened?"
The blonde says, "I was driving along when a tree jumped out in front of me. I swerved to miss it, and another tree jumped out in front of me. I swerved to miss it, and another tree jumped out in front of me."
The cop says, "Lady, there isn't a tree on this road for thirty miles. That was your fucking air freshener."

Jackie:
A lady walks into a sex shop and says to the salesman, "Where are all the dildos?"
He says, "They're on the wall, lady..."
She says, "I'll take a red one..."
He says, "No, lady. The dildos are on the wall next to the fire extinguisher."

Jackie:
What's black on the outside and white on the inside?
Len Bias' nose.

Jackie:
How do you get a gay guy to fuck a woman?
Fill up her cunt with shit.

Jackie:
My ex-wife. What an asshole.
And her tits weren't bad, either.

Jackie:
A couple goes to the marriage counselor.
The marriage counselor says, "I think we should start with what you have in common."
The husband says, "Neither of us likes to suck cock."

Stump The Joke Man:
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Tostida chips.

song:
"Charlie's Shuffle"

commercial

Jackie CD "Come Again?":
A lady has a baby, and all it is, is a head. Nothing but a head. Just a dog-gone head. That's all it is, is a head. So what's she gonna do, she puts it at the top of the stairs, on a table, facing out the window. It's the least she can do. For eighteen years, here's the head...
Eighteen years. Finally, one day the phone rings, she answers it, and it's the hospital.
A doctor tells her, "Mrs. Johnson, there's been a terrible accident. Someone was decapitated...but we saved the body, and we can put your head...well, not your head...but your head's head...the head you have at home, we can put it on top of the body, and you can have a regular son after all these years."
Needless to say, the lady is tickled pink.
She goes running up the stairs, and she says, "Bobby! Bobby! I've got the most wonderful surprise for you!"
He says, "I hope it's not another fuckin' hat."

Jackie CD "F. jackie":
A Jewish guy in New York City hails a cab. The cab's going down the street when they see a guy on the sidewalk hit a woman over the head. She goes down, and the guy starts kicking her. The cabbie zooms to the side of the road and jumps out to go help the woman.
The Jewish guy rolls down the window and says, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop the meter!"

Jackie CD "F. jackie":
A midget's walking along and a beautiful blonde is walking the other way.
He says, "Hey, what do you say to a little fuck?"
She says, "Hello, you little fuck."

Henny:
That was the late Milton Berle. He hasn't had a blow job in so long he forgot how to do it.

Jackie CD "Sgt. Pecker":
It's a very cold winter's night, so three homeless guys huddle up close to stay warm.
When they wake up in the morning, the guy on the left says, "I had a dream somebody was pulling on my dick."
The guy on the right says, "I had a dream somebody was pulling on my dick."
The guy in the middle says, "I had a dream I went skiing."

Jackie CD "Sgt. Pecker":
A guy walks into a delicatessen.
He says (swishy), "Could I have a baloney?"
The counterman says, "You want me to slice it up?"
The guy says, "Does my fanny look like a piggy bank?"

Stump The Joke Man:
A group soldiers crosses the desert, and then they have to cross a river. They only have one camel, so they all climb on. The sergeant gets behind the ears, and the rest climb on behind him. When they get halfway across the river, the sergeant sees two big tears in the eyes of the camel.
He says to the guy behind him, "Yo, the camel is crying."
That guy passes it back, "Yo, the camel is crying," and he passes it back, "Yo, the camel is crying," he passes it back, "Yo, the camel is crying."
When they get to the guy who's riding the tail, they say, "Yo, the camel is crying," he says, "What the fuck do you want me to do? If I take it out, I'll fall off."

Jackie CD "F. jackie":
A lady says, "Doc, kiss me."
He says, "I can't."
She says, "Doc, please kiss me."
He says, "I can't."
She says, "Doc, please kiss me..."
He says, "Look, lady, I probably shouldn't even be fucking you."