Joke Hunt Five

Jackie:
What would you call a Jewish vagina?
A can't.

Jackie:
What's the difference between a white cow and a black cow?
A white cow goes, "Moo," and a black cow goes, "Moo out d' way."

Jackie:
Harry goes to his twentieth high school reunion, and sees an old friend. The guy has on a three-corner hat, he has a peg leg, a hook on his right hand, and a patch over his left eye.
Harry says, "This is a reunion, not a costume party. What's up?"
The guys, "I always said I wanted to be a pirate, and now I am."
Harry says, "What happened to your leg>"
The guy says, " My first day on board ship, a cannonball blew off my left leg, so they gave me a peg leg."
Harry says, "How'd you wind up with a hook?"
The guy says, "The second day, I got my right hand sliced off in a saber fight, so they gave me a hook."
Harry says, "How'd you wind up with a patch over your eye?"
The guy says, "The next day, a bunch of seagulls were flying over us. I looked up, and one of them shit in my right eye."
Harry says, "A little bird shit shouldn't cause you to lose an eye."
The guy says, "It was my first day with the hook."

Jackie:
A married couple goes to a masquerade party dressed as a cow. He's the front, she's the back. The party gets a little boring, so they decide to stay in their costume and go for a walk.
As they're going across a pasture, they hear, "Snort! Snort!"
The wife says, "Bobby! Bobby! There's a bull over there and I think he's gonna charge! What are we gonna do?"
The husband says, "Well, I'm gonna eat some grass...you better brace yourself."

Jackie:
You know what those little bumps are on a girls' nipple?
It's Braille for "lick here."

Jackie:
Her last gynecologist quit, he's afraid of the dark.
She took off her clothes, lied on the bed, spread her legs...I said, "What am I doing in this lane? I don't have exact change." XXXXX

Jackie:
What's a good indication that you have a good sperm count?
She has to chew before she swallows.

Jackie:
A midget was missing...
So they put his face on a carton of Half & Half.

Stump The Joke Man:
Did you hear about the gay midget?
He came out of the cupboard.

Jackie:
Why was the midget thrown out of the nudist colony?
For telling all the girls, "Gee, your hair smells terrific."

Jackie:
Did you hear about the Polish midget?
He's six foot three.

Jackie:
How can you tell if a midget's having her period?
She keeps tripping over the string.

Stump The Joke Man:
What did the ghost say to the black guy?
"Jig-a-boo!"

Stump The Joke Man:
Oprah goes to the doctor with a sore throat.
He says, "Take off all of your clothes, lie on your back on my table, and spread your legs as wide as you can."
She says, "How will that help my sore throat?"
He says, "It won't, but I want to see how my house will look painted black with pink shutters."

Jackie:
I did a show for two hundred midgets.
I got a standing ovation and I didn't even know it.

Stump The Joke Man:
Did you hear about the midget prostitute?
You pay her to go up on you.

Jackie:
How would you describe a midget prostitute?
A little fucker about this tall.

Stump The Joke Man:
What's a crying shame?
A bus full of lawyers going off a cliff with two empty seats.

Stump The Joke Man:
Here's two short jokes and one long joke...joke, joke, jjoooookkkeeee.

Stump The Joke Man:
What did one homo's prick say to the other homo's prick?
Nothing. They were both stuck up assholes.

Jackie:
What did one ball say to the other ball?
"Why should we hang? Dick did all the shooting."

"La te Da"

commercials

Jackie CD, The Joke Man:
A Polish family is sitting around the living room.
The wife turns to the husband and says, "Let's send the kids out back to p-l-a-y, so we can fuck."

Jackie CD, F. jackie:
A guy's in a bar when an older guy walks in.
The older guy says to the younger guy, "I fuck your mother."
He goes and sits down, and the younger guy keeps drinking.
A few minutes later, the older guy gets up and says, "Your mother sucks my cock."
The bartender can't believe it doesn't get a rise out of the younger guy, but he keeps drinking.
A few minutes later the older guy gets up and says, "I fuck your mother in her asshole."
The younger guy says, "Pop, you're drunk. Go home."

Jackie CD, F. jackie:
What's a gay guy's favorite time of day?
Ate a cock.
That's the stupidest joke in my act, but you'll tell it to everybody you see for the next week.

Jackie CD, The Joke Man:
Where would you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Jackie CD, Sgt. Pecker:
Guiseppi walks into work.
He says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says, "No, Guiseppi, who's-a George Washington?"
He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen!"
A couple of days later, Guiseppi walks into work and says, "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says, "No, Guiseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says, "Hah! Abraham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen!"
A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Guiseppi...you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo?"
The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your old lady while you're in night school."

Jackie CD, The Joke Man:
Confucius say:
Schoolboy who fool around with schoolgirl during wrong period get caught red-handed.

Jackie CD, F. jackie:
A guy's weaving down the road when a cop pulls him over.
The cop says, "Hey, pal, did you know your wife fell out a few blocks back?"
The guy says, "Thank God. I thought I went deaf."

Stump The Joke Man:
What would you call a Puerto Rican midget?
A speck.

Stump The Joke Man:
Why do they bury black people ten feet in the ground?
Because deep down they're all right.

Stump The Joke Man:
Where does a midget hide from a tornado?
In a pothole.

Jackie:
Two midgets chip in for a lottery ticket, and they win, so to celebrate, they get two motel rooms next to each other, and two hookers. They each go into a room with a girls. The first midget just sits there, staring at the girl. All night, he just stares at her. He's a midget, he doesn't know what to say to a whore.
And the whole night he hears from next door, "Unh! Oh! Uhn! Oh!"
The next morning the two midgets walk out of their motel rooms.
The first midget says, "I didn't know what to say to her."
The second midget says, "I couldn't even get up on the fucking bed."

Stump The Joke Man:
How do they celebrate Halloween in West Virginia?
The pump kin.

Stump The Joke Man:
Three midgets meet in front of The World Headquarters for The Guinness Book of World Records.
The first midget says, "I'm gonna go in and get into The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's smallest hands," and he goes in.
He comes out a few minutes later, and says, "I did it. I'm now in The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's smallest hands."
The second midget says, "I'm gonna go in and get into The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's smallest feet," and he goes in.
He comes out a few minutes later, and says, "I did it. I'm now in The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's smallest feet."
The third midget says, "I'm gonna go in and get into The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's smallest penis."
He comes out a few minutes later, and he's in tears.
The first midget says, "What happened?"
The third midget says, "I only got into The Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's second smallest penis...who the fuck is David Friedman?"

Stump The Joke Man:
How did the priest know the nun was on the rag?
He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.

Stump The Joke Man:
A black guy goes to Heaven and says to God, "Make me an angel."
Go says, "Fuck you, you're a bat."

Stump The Joke Man:
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
He doesn't want anybody to know he's fucking chickens.

Stump The Joke Man:
A midget rings the bell on Halloween, a lady answers, and he says, "Trick or treat."
She sees the little guy is fifty years old, so she says, "You're too old. You'll have to do a trick to get a treat."
He says, "Okay, I'll do my disappearing human trick. I'll come in and fuck the shit out of you and then I'll disappear."