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Friedman drives into a tiny southern town and parks in front of the only building, that says, "General Store." He gets out and walks up the porch stairs to an old guy sitting and rocking in a rocking chair.
He says to the old guy, "What a God-forsaken place. What do you people do around here?"
The old guy says, "We don't do nothin' but hunt 'n fuck."
Friedman says, "What do you hunt?"
The old guy says, "Somethin' to fuck."
As a father shark and his son are gliding up to a bunch of people frolicking in the ocean, the father says, "First we'll swim around them a few times, with just the tip of our fins showing."
After they do it, the father says, "Now we'll swim around them a few times with our fins sticking all the way out of the water."
After they do that, the father says, "Now we'll eat everybody."
After they've eaten everybody, the son says, "Pop, why didn't we just eat them right away? What was with all that swimming around them nonsense?"
The father says, "Because they're much tastier when there's no shit inside."
A little kid sits an his grandfather's lap and says, "Pop-Pop, would you make a noise like a frog?"
The old guy says, "Why?"
The kid says, "Because Mom says when Grandpa croaks we're all going to Disney World."
rock & roll, Michigan State, 1971
Hillary Clinton takes a group of medical students to visit a senior citizen sexual dysfunction clinic. They turn down a hallway, and see an old guy jerking off to beat the band.
One of the students says to Hillary, "What condition does he have?"
Hillary says, "He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder. If he doesn't have a sexual release every day, he'll lapse into a coma."
They turn the corner, and they see another old geezer, with his pants down around his ankles, getting a blow job from a big fat nurse.
Another student says, "What about him?"
Hillary says, "Same thing, better health plan."
Charlie gets a job as a boil sucker, sucking boils off of people. His first appointment, he goes to the door, knocks, and a big fat lady answers. They go into her kitchen, she pulls up her dress, and she has a huge boil just under the left cheek of her butt.
Charlie puts his mouth around the boil, and just as he starts sucking as hard as he can, she lets out a huge fart...lbbbtt!!
Charlie says, "You know, lady, it's people like you that make my job disgusting."
A high school couple's in the movies.
The girl says, "Jimmy, I think I swallowed your gum."
He says, "Nah, I was just clearing my throat."
A guy gets a new job. He works Thursday and Friday.
On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."
So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm fucking her."
The boss says, "You fuck your sister?"
The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
Dirty Johnny runs out into the garden and says, "Pop, Grandma fell asleep on the couch, and her nightie's open, and she's got a shrimp between her legs."
His father walks into the house, takes a look, and says, "You ignorant little shit. That's not a shrimp, that's her clit."
Johnny says, "Well, it tasted like a shrimp."
An old guy walks into a bar and sees an older women. He starts talking to her, they hit it off, and they leave to go back to her house.
On the way, she says, "I think I should tell you, I've got the arthritis."
He says, "That's okay."
When they get there they start groping each other on the couch. Their clothes come off, he goes down on her, and when he gets down there, he smells the worse smell he's ever smelled.
He comes back up and says, "What the hell is that smell down there?"
She says, "I told you, I've got the arthritis."
He says, "That's what the arthritis smells like down there?"
She says, "No, I've got it in my shoulder. I can't wipe my ass."
insert to my third CD, "Hot Dogs & Donuts"