hi,
5-7pm every Wednesday in April I'm on SiriusXM channels Raw Dog 104 & XM-150 as "The April Fool" ... playing my six filthy Oglio CD's & taking your calls. Please call with jokes & questions & whatever ... 1-866-RAW DOG ... that's 1-866-472-9364 ...
I'm tweeting jokes now. www.twitter.com ... sign up & follow me? I'm JMarlow . All you have to do is go to www.twitter.com , search JMarlow, click on it, and then click on "follow."
I'm in a great new John Gray film, "White Irish Drinkers," that opened March 25th in NYC, LA, Boston & Toronto. It stars Stephen Lang ("Avatar"), Karen Allen ("Indiana Jones") & Peter Riegert ("Animal House"). Please check it out. It's produced by my good pals Paul Bernard, James Scura & Melissa Peltier.
We love you for tuning in to Jackie's Joke Hunt on Sirius-XM, channel Howard 101. Please call in, 1-888-783-7610. Our next show, 7pm EST Tuesday, April 12th, is Jackie's Joke Hunt 219, spoim
All info is on www.jokeland.com. Please drop me a line, send me a joke, do something ... jackie@jokeland.com
enjoy the jokes & have a great Spring.
j.
Sunday, May 29th, 8pm
The Baltimore Comedy Factory
32 Light Street
Baltimore, Maryland
(410) 547-7798
Saturday morning there's a knock on the door and Sabean answers it.
There's a guy standing there and he says, "Hello. I'm a Jehovah's Witness."
Sabean says, "Come on in."
The guy steps into the house, Sabean leads him to the living room, and they sit.
Sabean says, "Now what would you like to talk about?"
The guy says, "I'll be fucked if I know. I never got this far before."
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The elephant says to the camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?"
The camel says, "To tell you the truth, I wouldn't expect a question like that from somebody whose dick is on his face."
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The Papa Shark and the Baby Shark are gliding up to a bunch of people frolicking in the ocean.
The Papa Shark says, "First we'll swim around them a few times, with just the tip of our fins showing."
Then the Papa Shark says, "Now we'll swim around them a few times with our fins sticking all the way out of the water."
Then the Papa Shark says, "Now we'll eat everybody."
After they've eaten everybody, the Baby Shark says, "Pop, why didn't we just eat them right away? What was with all that swimming around them nonsense?"
Then the Papa Shark says, "Because they're much tastier when there's no shit inside."
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What's a landscaper's ten?
A girl who can suck a golf ball through nine feet of garden hose.
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A guy's in a bar when an older guy walks in.
The older guy says to the younger guy, "I fuck your mother."
He goes and sits down, and the younger guy keeps drinking.
A few minutes later, the older guy gets up and says, "Your mother sucks my cock."
The bartender can't believe it doesn't get a rise out of the younger guy, but he keeps drinking.
A few minutes later the older guy gets up and says, "I fuck your mother in her asshole."
The younger guy says, "Pop, you're drunk. Go home."
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A guy goes into the dentist's office, sits down in the chair, pulls down his zipper, and takes out his dick.
The dentist says, "What are you doing? I'm a dentist."
The guy says, "There's a tooth in there."
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A little Italian kid comes home from school and his mother says. "Guiseppi, what-a you learn in-a school today?"
He says, "Mama, today we learn-a all about-a sex education."
She says, "Sex-a education? That's-a bad-a boy. You-a go to you room until you Papa he's-a come home."
A few hours later the old man walks in from work and says, "Where's-a Guiseppi?"
His wife says, "I'm-a send-a him to his-a room. He said he's-a learn sex-a education today in-a school."
He says, "What-a you, stu-peed-o? That's-a what they all learn in-a school here in-a United a-States-a."
She feels bad and goes up to Guiseppi's room to apologize. When she opens the door, Guiseppi's lying on his bed jerking off.
She says, "Guiseppi, when-a you done with-a you homework, I'm-a wanna talk-a to you."
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Why should you put a midget into a blender feet first?
So you can watch the expression on his littleface.
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Minervini stops to visit a friend who's paralyzed from the waist down.
His friend says, "My feet're cold. Would you go upstairs and get me my sneakers for me?"
Minervini goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.
He says, "Hi, girls. Your daddy sent me up here to have sex with you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
The paralyzed guy yells back, "Of course both of them."
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What has two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog.
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The Stukowski brothers are out deer hunting when Stash spots a deer and shoots it. They're dragging it back to the truck by the antlers, and the antlers keep getting caught on every bush and root along the way.
After fifteen minutes, Stash says, "These antlers are getting caught in everything. Let's drag him by the feet instead."
His brother agrees, and then after fifteen more minutes, Stash says, "See how much easier this is?"
His brother says, "Yeah, but aren't we getting further from the truck?"
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Eisner says, "Doc, I don't know what to do about my wife. Every night, she goes to The Old Homestead Tavern and picks up men. She's fucking everybody, and it's making me nuts. What should I do?"
The doctor says, "Mr. Eisner, please take a deep breath, calm down, and give me the directions to The Old Homestead Tavern."
************
Jesus and Moses are sitting poolside, and Moses says, "I wonder if we've still got it."
Jesus says, "Why don't you see?"
Moses stands up, points his hand, and separates the pool into two bodies of water.
Jesus says, "That was great."
Moses says to Jesus, "Give it a shot."
Jesus gets up, starts to walk across the pool, and sinks like a stone.
He gets out and says, "I wonder what's wrong?"
Moses says, "It's probably the holes in your feet."
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What's the definition of making love?
That's something a woman does while a guy's fucking her.
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Bleiweiss walks into a shoe store and says to the salesman, "I want a pair of size eight tie shoes."
The salesman says, "But, sir, I can see from up here you're at least a size eleven."
Bleiweiss says, "Will you please just bring me a pair of size eight tie shoes?"
The salesman brings them, Bleiweiss stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight, stands up, and winces.
When he sees how confused the salesman is, Bleiweiss says, "Listen ... I lost my business and my house, I live with my mother-in-law, my wife's fucking my best friend, my daughter's pregnant, and my son's gay. The only pleasure I have in life is taking off my God-damn shoes."
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How many calories do you get from eating pussy?
It depends which way she wipes her ass.
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This is The JokeLand E-Mail List.
If you're not supposed to be on this train, please disembark & get off now.
Please tell anybody who wants to get on to e-mail me, jokeland@aol.com ...
*************
Worthington is seventy-five years old and filthy rich and one night he walks into his country club with a beautiful twenty-five year-old blonde on his arm.
His pal Wellport says, "My God, Henry, your new girlfriend is incredible."
Worthington says, "Girlfriend, hell, she's my wife."
Wellport says, "Your wife? How'd you get her to marry you?"
Worthington says, "I lied about my age."
Wellport says, "You told her you were fifty?"
Worthington says, "No, I told her I was ninety."
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for the kids:
What color is a ghost?
Boo.
How can you tell a dog from a tomato?
A tomato is red.
How does a dog stop his DVD player?
He hits the paws button.
What would you call a carrot who talks back to his mother?
A fresh vegetable.
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According to the recent research of scientists who have been smoking pot they found growing wild in the suburbs of Chappaqua, New York, today there's more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by the year 2040, there will be a large elderly population with perky tits and huge boners who have absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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When a woman gets pregnant from anal sex, what does she have?
A crack baby.
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We love you for tuning in to
Jackie's Joke Hunt on Sirius channel Howard 101,
calling in, 1-888-783-7610, & helping to spread the word...
our next show, this Tuesday, April 12th,
is Jackie's Joke Hunt 219, spoim
Please call Jackie & Ian on the air with your jokes & comments at
1-888-stern 101 ... 1-888-783-7610 ... please e-mail us at: jackie@jokeland.com
Jackie's Joke Hunt 218. The Prophylactic Hunt
Jackie's Joke Hunt repeats Thursdays at midnight EST
& Sundays 6 a.m. & 7pm EST
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Dirty Johnny's walking along and a priest is coming the other way.
Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why're you wearin' your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
*************
A lady catches her kid jerking off.
She says, "Son, don't do that. Save it 'til you're twenty-one."
By the time he was twenty-one, he had nine jars.
*************
Pace and Buttle have been sitting at a bar for five hours when Pace pulls down his zipper and starts pissing into a beer bottle.
Buttle says, "What're you doing?"
Pace says, "This shit's so good I'm gonna drink it again."
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www.jokeland.com
for information on Jackie's shows, you can always "Use Your Finger!"
thirty years of free jokes!
and dial (516) 922-WINE ... (516) 922-9463
not a pay service, just a local call...
*************
this just in:
A fly landed on Oprah's snatch and puked.
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