Why do they call the space between a woman's asshole and her vagina a driving range?
Because that's where a guy hits his balls.

How can you tell if a termite's gay?
He only eats male boxes.

What's the difference between a mussel and an oyster?
Age.

What's the difference between a doctor and an architect?
A doctor buries his mistakes, architects plant ivy.

Marlow at The Mohegan Sun, 2011

What's the difference between Santa Claus and a bartender?
Santa Claus only has to look at eight assholes.

What's the difference between a monkey and a midget?
A monkey doesn't freak me out.

What's fifteen inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?
Donald Trump's tie.

How do Mexicans take a family portrait?
They all jam into the front seat and run a red light.