Election 2016 Fun

Chris Christie gets married and at the reception Donald Trump dances with the bride. And then they dance to a second song, and a third. By the time the fourth song comes along, Christie’s pissed, so he runs up and kicks his bride between the legs. A riot breaks out and all the invited guests are hauled off to jail.
In court the next day, the judge says to Trump, “What happened?”
Trump says, “Your honor, we were just dancing, when that madman ran up and kicked his new bride between the legs.”
The judge says, “That must have hurt.”
Trump says, “Well, hell, yeah. He broke three of my fingers.”

Donald and Melania Trump are riding in a limo in New York City and have the driver stop when they see a sign, “Live Sex Show.” They go inside, sit in the front row, and on a small stage a man and a woman are lying naked on separate couches. The woman’s tossing donuts and ringing them on his hard-on, and he’s tossing cherries into her twat.
On the way home, Trump looks over and says, “That looked like fun, Melania. Why don’t we give it a try?”
She says, “All right. Have the driver stop at a grocery store and we’ll get a roll of Lifesavers and a dozen grapefruit.”

Why’d Donald Trump slide down the bannister?
He was out of toilet paper.
Donald Trump’s riding in his limo in Palm Beach when he sees two men on the side of the road eating grass. He tells the driver to stop.
He opens the window and says, “Why are you guys eating grass?”
The first guy says, “We don’t have any money for food.”
Trump says, “Both of you, get in the car and come with me.”
The guy says, “But, sir, I have a wife and two children.”
The second guy says, “I have a wife and six children.”
Trump says, “We’ll pick them up.”
They get in the car, and after he gives the driver directions to his house, the first guy says, “Mr. Trump, you’re too kind. Thank you so much.”
Trump says, “No problem. Hey, the lawn at Mar-a- Lago can always use a trim.”

Why can’t you tell a knock-knock joke to a Donald Trump?
        He keeps answering the door.